About a week ago, I came across a blog of a young local woman who was dying of breast cancer. She is married with three kids. I just glanced at some of the older posts that she had written and she dealt with her scenario with humor and hope. But the most recent post was written by her husband. He talked about the week they had just spent at a cottage as a family. And about how they had come to the decision to give up the fight. The treatment wasn't doing anything for her quality of life and probably wasn't doing anything to stop the cancer. This post just rocked my world. I just couldn't imagine being in their shoes. They are people of faith but still... how do you say goodbye to the loves of your life?
In this post, her husband said that it was predicted she had 4 weeks left. But one week later, she is gone. And even though I don't know this family, my heart aches for them.
Over the weekend I have found myself constantly contemplating what I would do different if I were dying of cancer. I think I would start making time for what's really important. I would spend all my time with my kids, Jordan, and the Lord. Can you imagine knowing that your life is going to end soon? I would want to be more in touch with Jesus to reassure me that everything will be ok and to guide me in how to fill the rest of my time on earth. I would cling to Jordan. I would just want to soak in everything about him. I would want to be as connected to him as ever and make sure that he knew everything he's meant to me. I would play endlessly with my kids and just hold them. I would write letters to them for all of the milestones that they would someday face without me. I hope that I would make time to connect with the friends who don't know Jesus as their Savior. I wouldn't hold back anymore and I would just urge them to give Him a chance. Would I ever be at peace with leaving this world and everything in it behind at my age? I haven't had a full life yet but why should that be guarenteed to me? Many people don't die of old age or in their old age. So what's really important? What would matter to me if I were dying right now.
Well, I am. My days are numbered. I don't know when it'll happen and I pray that it's not until I'm 'old'. But the clock is ticking. What haven't I done that I would regret should I die tomorrow. What has been left unsaid? Am I more consumed with things created or the Creator of all things? What do I need to change in my lifestyle.
What would you do if you were dying... because you are.