jordan's firsts

August was a big month for Jordan.  Lots of firsts!  And I will list them :)

First on the list of firsts.... Jordan started a new job last week.  He had been at his former job for 9.5 years and has enjoyed it.  Just time for a change.  He is now doing finish carpentry for Zahn Builders.  The timing was so perfect and everything just fell into place.  When he began his job at Showcase (his former company), he bought a new hammer for the first day on the job.  And before he finished up on his final day, the hammer broke!  Weird, huh?!

Another first for Jordan was the Mud Run Race!  The kids and me watched him 'compete'.  It was so busy so it took him and his team a while to complete the 5k course.  But he had a good time getting down and dirty.

The final first, and the biggest deal of them all....  Jordan took his first school bus ride with me and Natalie!  Oh yeah, it was Natalie's first bus ride, too.  We had Natalie's kindergarten orientation last week.  She loved everything about it!  I was a little uneasy at first.  Natalie was sitting on her knees and peeking her head out of the window on the bus and I began to worry about her falling out and wondering how often that has happened.  Then I was worried about if she would have anyone to sit with.  And would she know where to go?  Would she get on the right bus in the afternoon?  We arrived at the school and brought her to her classroom.  The teachers yanked the kids out of the parents' arms and we were all herded into the auditorium.  It was a nice little meeting intended to put all of the parents' nerves at ease...and it worked!  Natalie is so excited to start.  I've been a little concerned about kindergarten being all day everyday now but I really think she'll do great.  I'm just really going to miss her :(   Oops, this post was supposed to be about Jordan, not Natalie!

So onto some pics of Jordan....

the cottage

The cottage was my second home in the summer when I was growing up.  I couldn't have been much older than 10 when it came into my family's possession and we had many great times up there.  This weekend, we indulged in a weekend getaway with the kids.  We had a great time and the kids loved it.  I had gone up a couple weeks ago as well just with Natalie, Ruby, and Charlie for the day and they were so anxious to go back.  They swam, fished, caught turtles... all of the things I loved to do when I was a kid.  And I loved doing it all over again with them.  Natalie especially loves to fish, Ruby likes to lounge in the water, and Charlie was just busy trying it all out.

So much has changed since I had been up there last.  For one thing, Natalie was just a baby the last time we were up there.  It was a weird feeling to be 'the mom' when we had watched so many other young families interact with their kids at the cottage.  It was solely a place of my childhood and adolescence and now I'm the grown-up.  I took the girls on the paddle boat which was my most favorite place to be back in the day.  And I so enjoyed sharing the nostalgia with them!

My mind was constantly reflecting on the past five years while we were there.  Just so many changes.  Happy and sad.  But this weekend, I especially focused on the happy changes in my life in the five years that flew by: my incredible husband and my four little blessings.  It's weird but I felt like I was in some sort of time-warp.... Like I had just been here last week as a teenager and now this week, I am bringing my three kids (plus 1 fetus).  And at the same time, the cottage made it seem that nothing has really changed at all.

I drifted around the cottage with my camera and found myself taking pictures of some of the things that haven't changed at all:

I never really appreciated how beautiful the yard is. There's hardly any grass just mixtures of low-lying ground covers. It's like out of fairy-tale.

 



My great uncle Jim was the original owner of the cottage.

The gate where my great aunt Angie would stand to welcome us
(and the first sound I would hear were her wind-chimes)

ye olde row boat
and this bucket have never left their home.

And naturally, most of my pictures were of the kids who are the biggest change in my life since I have been here:



Charlie fell in the lake!  I snatched him up, dried him off, and put his suit on.  He was upset with the water.

We had a great time as a family. We got some much needed r&r and we were both able to enjoy the kids and each other without the distractions of 'everyday life'.

And to close about all of this 'change' talk, it was a good reminder to me that my perception of God changes like the cottage does. My relationship with Jesus and the mystery of God changes to me all the time and yet, He has always been the same. He holds the past and the future. And life is beautiful no matter what happens in between.



half . bath

I'm starting this home makeover segment with the smallest and most completed room project in the house.  The half-bathroom. 

Nothing about our half bathroom was done to our liking.  But we knew it would be a job to make it over so we were patiently waiting for the right time to attack it.  Six years later, the time was right!  Jordan tore out the three levels of flooring (the ugly vinyl tile, the white and gray tile underneath the vinyl, and the original wood flooring beneath the tile) until he finally reached the sub-floor.  Next came the beadboard... the worst part of the demo.  Our walls are plaster and there is chicken-wire in the walls as well (to hold the plaster together).  Removing walls around here is never fun or easy!  After cleaning up the mess, we finally had a blank canvas to work with.  Now we had to decide what we wanted to do with it.  Our style around our house is something of a modern farmhouse with industrial decor.  What that means to us is clean lines with old, natural materials.  We have very similar likes and dislikes and with Jordan's talents as a carpenter, it was easy for us to come up with a solution for the space.  This is what we came up with:

We painted the horizontal boards and put them in place.  I absolutely love the look of plank walls!  We got a new toilet, sink, faucet, and light fixture.  Jordan built the sink base with some reclaimed lumber.  We laid the wood flooring, sanded, and painted it white.  Jordan turned the awkward, wasted space (unseen in the picture but to the left of the sink) into a closet.  I painted the room in a white cream and the ceiling in my most favorite shade of gray.  We're going to attack the mirror with some acid to distress it some and we still have to decide what to place above the toilet.  Actually, we're pretty sure that some of Jordan's antique gears are going to be placed in that spot, we just haven't gotten to it yet.



This sink is one of my most favorite items in the house!  I just love it's shape and size and I think it works so perfectly in this space.

I searched high and low for a before picture of the bathroom but cannot find one. That is so unlike me. I think I snap a shot of a room everytime I paint and especially before we demolish a room. But not this room, I guess. So this is the best before picture I could find and it was during the big kitchen remodel so you can see the construction happening all around it.

 See that small doorway. That's the bathroom. The toilet and vanity were already pulled out of there at this point. The walls had some cheap and ugly beadboard that had been up since we purchased the house and it was very cheaply done. There was a small, useless cubby where I stored the broom, mop, and vacuum behind a curtain.  The vanity wasn't anything special, either.

We love our new bath room!  And I must brag about my husband here!  He's just amazing and can make anything happen.  We really enjoy working with each other and getting our kids in on the 'fun' too.  I love it that Jordan can turn our conjured ideas into something that can be seen and...painted!

home . makeover

We bought our home seven years ago and we haven't stopped reconstructing it since!  We have replaced all of the trim, half of the doors, taken out two walls, finished off most of our basement, have added paneling, pulled out and replaced the flooring, new countertops, all new light fixtures, new sinks, added built-ins, painted (I'm slightly embarrassed to admit that each room has been painted over at least twice) and so much more.  And still, the to-do list goes on.....

We have done everything ourselves and we love to do it.  We love to get creative and with many projects we start in this 1950's ranch, we run into issues with the house we have to troubleshoot our way through.  But the end result is always so worth it!  It's our hobby, something we love to do together.  Jordan and I have similar taste that has evolved over the years and we like to turn our ideas into reality.  We do frequent check-ups on each other to make sure that the house projects are 'just hobbies'.  It's important to us that we are content with our house.  And we are.  But we really enjoy change, too. 

When we bought the house, we didn't foresee living here for too long.  I'm not sure that we ever put a limit on how long we'd stay. We just figured something better would come along and we'd probably raise our family elsewhere.  But we love this area and now our house is so custumized to our liking.  We've made a decision that we'll probably be here for awhile.  We're going to add another bedroom eventually to accomodate our growing family and, who knows, maybe we'll put the kids through all of their school years while we're here. 

The house has changed more in this year than in any other, I would say.  I've been wanting to post about all of these changes but just haven't even known where to begin!  Also, I just don't feel like a room is ever complete over here because I've got all of these plans and intentions inside my head.  But I don't think that'll ever stop.  So here goes... I'm just going to take it one room at a time!  Stay tuned....

charlie's two

My little man is growing up so fast!  I can't believe it's been two years since he was born.  The time just flies.  Charlie has brought so much joy to our lives.  He is just our happy, go-lucky boy.  He is so much busier than the girls were at this age.  He's also less dramatic than the girls! 

His favorite things are milk, tools (real and play), his blanket and stuffed animals, milk, music, helping daddy, cuddling and playing with mommy, milk, and his sisters.  Charlie is a milk-aholic.  I only give him small amounts at a time these days because he's constantly taking the gallon of milk out of the fridge and bringing it to me.  And I guess there's always a look on my face like, "Seriously?!" because now he says in an authoritative voice while pointing his finger, "one moi". 

Charlie is such a little helper.  If I'm cleaning or emptying the dishwasher, he's right there getting in on the action.  And same with Jordan.  Not only does he love tools (real tools), he also likes to be our little assistant.  And he's a pretty good listener when he's got a job to do.  I'm hoping those 'terrible twos' are worse with girls.  Most of the time, Charlie is a good enough at obeying and I reeeallly hope it stays that way (my energy is wearing thinner these days.)  I do have to chase him down the driveway quite frequently since he's always making a mad dash to the road.  Luckily our road is pretty quiet. 

Charlie had been in a big-boy bed for a few weeks and it was going pretty well except... he was crawling out of bed at 6am instead of 7ish and waking his sisters up as well with his endless chatter!  And I like need an hour of quiet alone time in the morning.  For some reason, the crib both helps him to sleep in longer and keeps mommy a little more sane. 

Charlie loves to wrestle with daddy and Natalie and Ruby.  He's so rough and tough!  And yet, he adores baby dolls and real babies.  And he's just a sweetheart!  He's my little lover-boy.  If we're on the couch together, he fights his way through the girls to be by me.  And sometimes when we're sitting there, he starts to rub my arm or leg.  There really is this special connection between a boy and his mom :)

Natalie and Ruby are pretty fond of Charlie, too.  Natalie likes to get him dressed and even changes his diapers occasionally.  She loves to watch out for him.  Ruby washes Charlie up in the bathtub, wrestles with him, and enjoys bossing him around.  There is a healthy dose of playing and fighting that goes on between all of them.

On Charlie's birthday, we went out for a playdate with some fellow mom-friends and their kiddos.  I brought a cake and we all sang 'Happy Birthday' to Charlie.  The whole time we were singing, he had this big smile on his face but he was rubbing his eyes and wouldn't look at anyone.  And when we finished, he took his fists away from his eyes and we saw that they were all teary!  He got all sentimental or something!  He had a great day.  Me and the girls kept reminding him that it was his birthday so then he'd clap about it and concentrate on forming his fingers into '2'.  We had a party for him over the weekend and he absolutely loves all of his new presents.  I am hoping to get him potty-trained by the time our baby girl comes so I bought him a potty-chair and undies (does that make me a horrible mom?  The boy doesn't need anymore toys!)  Today, before I could even show him how to use his own personal toilet, he told Natalie he had to go so she helped him out of his diaper and he sat down and used it!  He's gone a few times on the big toilet but usually I have to prompt him to do it.  So hopefully....

As much as I wish Charlie would literally stay my little boy forever, I also love to see him learn and grow.  He is talking a lot more plus with more clarity and understands so much, too.  He's developing a sense of humor which is so fun!  He doesn't talk back to me yet and I'm pretty sure I'm his best friend.  Just hoping it's not the calm before the storm?!

We love you, Charlie Tyler!!  I hope your second year of life was as enjoyable to you as you were to us!

my portion

Tonight I felt like I needed some 'me and God' time.  The house is quiet.  Everyone asleep.  I opened up Psalm 119 and began to read.  I got to verse 57: 'You are my portion, Lord.'  And instantly the statement was rearranged and turned into a question: 'Are you my portion, Lord?' 

Are you my portion, Lord?  I like to think that you are.  I love you.  I want to live my life for you and that goal is usually in the back of my mind.

My mind drifted back over the day.  I look back at this day with many regrets.  I did a garage sale today.  Business was slow.  In between customers, I filled my time with useless things.  Internet, picking up toys, counting the earnings again, thinking of and planning the next house project, talking on the phone.  Meanwhile, my kids are watching tv, or trying to play with me as I'm day-dreaming (off in la-la land), hugging me and whispering 'I love you' while I chat away on the phone.

Jordan has been working a lot lately and motherhood has been overwhelming.  I miss Jordan when he's away but when he comes home again, we don't make the best use of our time but fill it in with more useless time-suckers.

My regrets of this day make me yearn to do it all over again or to do it better tomorrow.  My family is my LIFE.  I want to be my kids' and Jordan's best friend.  I want them to think back to these days and remember how much fun we had playing together.  How much I did for them.  How I was always there for them and never preoccupied with anything else.  But somehow.... I. just. can't. get. it. right.  My priorities are always scattered.  I want to have structure AND a relaxed atmosphere at home; a neat and tidy house AND playdough stuck to the floor as evidence of our playtime.  I want to enjoy my husband and the kids and I want them to enjoy me.

And that's what priority number one always comes down to: my family.

Are you my portion, Lord?

No.

At the end of the day am I more often concerned with my family or my Lord?

I felt like God asked me, 'Lindsey, would you give me your garage sale profits?'  Yes, I would.  'Lindsey, would you give me your hobbies, would you be content with what you have?'  (Sigh, but...) Yes.  'Lindsey, would you give me Jordan, Natalie, Ruby, Charlie, the baby?'

.........Please don't ask me to, Lord. 

I know that everything has come from you and I feel like I could give you anything you ask for.  But my family?  I don't know exactly what this question means.  At first I think He's asking me to place them in His care.  But then I feel like He's actually asking me to let go of them.  To give myself to Him and my family to Him.  To take them off the pedestal and to put Him on the throne instead.  I know that the throne is His rightful place but I also feel like it's up to me and me alone to do this mother/wife job.  I feel like He shouldn't concern Himself with my duties.

But maybe that's why I'm struggling now.  And I know that it is the reason for this overwhelming feeling of regret and responsibility.  I am not allowing Him to help me.  Sure, God's a part of these relationships but He isn't at the center of them. 

What if I were to lose everything today?  How would I 'deal' with God?  Would I lean on him or be upset because He took something that was mine?  It scares me to give my family to God because I know that He gives and takes away.  And I am not worthy of this family He's granted me. 

Neither am I worthy of Him.  Yet, he gave up Himself for me.  HE gave himself up for ME.



(Big pause....  Long reflection of what I cost Him)



"Lindsey, can you give up your everything for me?  Your family and yourself?  Can you trust me?"

Yes, Lord.... when I consider what you have done for me, what you have given to me in the first place.  I need your help.  I desperately need your guidance in every area of my life.  I need you to get my priorities straight.  I need you to help me in my role as wife and mother.  Because, as you so very well know, I cannot do it alone.  And if giving you my family ever comes to mean what I fear most... may I worship you still for what you have granted me.

And may You ever be my portion.

deja vu...

We had the 20 week ultrasound a couple of weeks ago and it was confirmed to us that we're having another GIRL!!  She is healthy and beautiful weighing in at one whole pound (which makes me question my weight gain).  We had the ultrasound tech write down the sex of the baby and we brought the paper back to the kids and mom and dad Barkel who were watching them.  Natalie took the paper out and read what it was.  Jordan was hoping for a boy (just for Charlie's sake, of course) but I know he'll manage to love this little girl just as he adores Natalie and Ruby.  It's still hard for me to fully believe that this is a girl since sometimes the ultrasound techs are wrong.  But they were right with Natalie and Ruby (we didn't find out with Charlie). 

I've been feeling really great...gotta love the second trimester.  I am 6 months pregnant already.  This pregnancy is going by much faster than my other pregnancies!  I feel like I've put on more weight at this point than with the others.  And I also feel much more run-down this time around (maybe it's due to the 100 degree weather and my other 3 kiddos?!)  But the baby is more active than ever!  I know when I was pregnant with Natalie, Jordan was able to feel her move at about the 19th week.  When I had my ultrasound this time around at 20 weeks, you could already see the baby rolling around on the outside of my stomach!  That sensation never gets old and I know that it's something I will never forget!  I've been reading the baby books and scribbling down names and crossing them off after running them by Jordan.  But we are definately more in agreement with names this time around as opposed to the other times!

I can't quite seem to get a grip on the fact that come fall, I will have FOUR children.  When will it sink in that this is real?  I feel like I'm just going through the motions... I've done all this before.  When I was pregnant with Charlie, I kept thinking to myself, 'this is probably the last time we'll do an ultrasound, the last glucose test, the last time I'll flip through the baby name books, the last of the labor pains, the last epidural....'  I really believe that this is the final pregnancy, but I'm not having those thoughts.  The nostalgia is somewhat...amiss.  But the excitement about the baby herself is there.  I'm so anxious to prepare the bedroom for her arrival and go into labor, hold her and introduce her to our family.  When I hear the beating of her heart every four weeks, it still blows me away how blessed we are to recieve such an amazing gift.