emmy at five months

Emmy Ellamae is 5 months old now!  And what a month of progression!  It's incredible how fast she is growing up... probably because she is our last?!  She has two teeth that have popped through now and she scoots a little too much for being only 5 months old!  She loves tummy time and her exersaucer.  But most of all, she likes to sit with everyone and play.  She can sit unsupported for quite a while.  I want her to be  dependant for much longer than she seems to want to be.  She loves to be laid down while still awake to fall asleep on her own as opposed to being cuddled.  I know that I wished for that with Natalie especially, but now with my last child, I want her to fall asleep in my arms!  I've started her on some baby food and oatmeal and she loves it.  And since I've started her on some solids, she has been sleeping through the night!

Emmy is just a DOLL!  According to the growth charts, she is short and chubby (we don't need a growth chart to tell us that!)  She is in the 15th percentile for height (24.5in) and the 75th for weight (16.5lbs).  The last time we brought her in to the doctor, we noticed that her bottom eyelashes are inverted and they rest on her eye.  It doesn't seem to bother her except for occasionally her eyes are extra watery.  I'm hoping that they correct themselves or she'll need a simple surgery procedure done.  Sometimes she gets really hyper and she loves to grab my face with both hands and pull my face to hers so she can try to eat it.  She makes the most adorable, high-pitched, baby girl noises.  I cannot get enough of her!  She is such a happy baby.  We just love her to pieces!! 

In March, we dedicated Emma at church.  What this means is that we publically acknowledged in front of witnesses our promise to raise Emmy in a Christian home.  More than ever, my prayer for her is to always love the Lord and committ herself whole-heartedly to Him.  And in these early years, we will be responsible for guiding her into a relationship. 

We love you little Em!

grandpa

What a week.  Jordan's grandpa went into cardiac arrest on Monday morning.  He was revived 15 times in the ambulance.  In just 5 days, he has had surgery twice to put in a stint each time, he got blood clots in the stints which disappeared, and he's been on cpap (a breathing machine) for multiple days.  He was transferred to the Meijer Heart Center on Wednesday night and is still there currently.  He's had fluid in his lungs, inflammation in the tissue around his heart, they have thinned his blood, and he was given plasma to thicken it once more which put him in excruciating pain.  Jordan and I have visited him and it's incredible how at ease he is through this.  He has remained so positive.  I just got the call from Jordan's mom that they were able to successfully remove the cpap and he is once again breathing on his own.  This comes as a much welcomed blessing to us all and a surprise to the doctors.  He has been through so much in just a few days.  We know that he has a long road of recovery in his future but we are just so thankful for another day.  He is 83 years old and has lived a full life.  We know that he is confident in his future whether it be life or death.  He sees it as a win-win situation.  But we aren't ready for him to leave us yet.  So tonight, we just praise the Lord that he is still with us.  And once again, we are reminded to not take a single day, a single breath, or any of our loved ones for granted.

easter

As with every Easter, we spent the holidays with our families.  We enjoyed going to church to celebrate, the sweets and treats, and the Easter egg hunts.  But it was cold!! 

Even though Easter is over, we still get a reminder from the kids (mostly from Charlie with interjections from Ruby, of course) that 'Jesus died'.  And he looks at us with sad, puppy-dog eyes!  And we remind him over and over that Jesus is alive now.  But his reminder stays the same.  I find myself stuck in this same rut.  Often times, usually at the end of the day, I find myself re-hashing everything that I've done wrong, everything I could have done better, everything that I didn't do.  I am a sinner.  And the guilt creeps in.  I have failed again.  It was I who nailed Jesus to that cross.  And yes, it's sad that Jesus had to die... horrific.  But what if I focused on the new life he's given me.  That Jesus arose and now resides in me as the Holy Spirit.  Those regrets and negative feelings are to be laid in the grave.  I am no longer dead in my sin.  Jesus has risen and has given me new life.  I am a new creation and seen as righteous through my Father's eyes.

Ephesians 3:14-21.

'Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us...'

He will accomplish His will through us.  He will do immeasurably more that we can imagine through us.  He has given me His power.

'to Him be glory in the church and our Lord Jesus Christ throughout generations, for ever and ever! Amen.'

Jesus died... but now He is alive and He reigns.  He alone is worthy of my praise.  And I just hope to bring Him glory and that the generations that follow me will also glorify Him.  Forever.

And to glorify my Lord is to raise Him up and to be a new creation instead of keeping Him in the grave, unreceptive of His perfect gift of grace in exchange for my sin.


Happy Easter :)

seasons

It's officially the spring season but the temperature is still in the 30's.  Last year at this time, there were days that reached over 80 degrees...!  Oh, Michigan.  I am so ready for warmth, sun, and thunderstorms.  However, even though I'm over this winter weather, I am still in shock that it is actually coming to an end.  This winter flew by, really.  I'm sure our vacation helped pass the time! 

However, since we have returned, I have definately been affected by SAD (seasonal affective disorder), something that doesn't normally affect me.  I feel as if I have zero ambition but there are a gazillion things to do and I am always feeling a bit agitated.  The few times that I get a glimpse of sunshine from the outside, I hurry through the rooms to pull up the blinds, hoping to imprison the rays.  That's what I've felt this house to be at times, a prison.  And yet the idea of going out for a playdate or shopping sounds overwhelming to me.  This is only a small little dosage of depression (if I can even call it that!) and my heart goes out to those who deal with depression all the time :(

I've been very busy around here.  My side jobs (sewing bags and massage therapy) have been keeping me on my toes.  Along with trying to keep up with that, there's also dinner and housework, Jordan and the kids, quiet time with God, groceries and errands, training for a 25k, bible studies and bridal showers, and the occasional playdate.  It's a season.  A season where I have so many priorities and if/when I don't prioritize them correctly, I know it and feel it.  It's a burden and a blessing.  I am so blessed by each of these areas in my life but when there are so many good things at one time, I don't know how to manage it all.  I don't exactly feel like I need to give something up (maybe because I don't want to either?). I guess I just feel like I have to be on my guard.  Be careful and balance it just right or I will need to give something up. 

In this season, I celebrated my 27th birthday.  I am typically the youngest of all of my friends so most of them are turning 30 or are into their 30's.  I should be relieved about that, to still be 'young'.  But this year is different somehow.  I just cannot believe somedays that I am married and have 4 children!  Jordan and I fell in love 10 years ago this year and it has been such an unbelievable time.  I just had no idea that I could love my family this much.  It's overwhelming to me in so many ways. I feel like the happiest girl in the world but I am also saddened to think of how quickly it is going and how often I take them for granted.  I just don't know how to use this incredible love I have for them all.  I try to reveal my love to them in different ways but it'll never be enough.  There is no way to put into words or action how much I love them.  And so I fear that I am not doing love 'right'!  Does that even make sense?! 

Also, when reflecting on this 27th year (I know, I reflect and analyze way too much!), I realize that I am finally starting to love myself.  I don't want that in any way to sound conceited.  It's just that I've had a low self-esteem pretty much my whole life.  I can definately think of factors that may have caused that but I've always had reason and proof to believe the opposite, too.  I know (more than ever this year!) that I am highly valued by my Creator, my husband, kids, and family.  I think I'm a pretty open and honest person, but I think many would be surprised that this care-free girl has had some pretty hard stuff to deal with.  But each new day, I'd put concealer over my scars.  It has definately been a process but over this past year especially, I have found comfort in the knowledge that Jesus doesn't want me to feel guilt and shame.  I know my weaknesses and God has been reminding me of my strengths.   I have felt something strange occuring in this, my 27th year.  I appreciate who God made me to be.  My sinful human nature is always going to be a part of me this side of heaven.  But God has also instilled in me talents that I am to use to His glory, and more than ever, I feel like I am finding pleasure in what is truly important.  I fell deep in love with Jesus this past year and that must have contributed to the freedom I've begun to feel from self-deprecation. 

Seasons come and seasons go but I hope that this blossoming in my life will continue to flourish when harsh winter seasons come back around ;)

all in a day

March 9, 2013... this was our day:

 The snow is melting!!!!  (Ok...actually this was not from today but a couple of days ago.  The girls did ride their bikes for just a short time today, though!  I just had to squeeze this one of my fashionista, Ruby, in!)

 This little darlin' is 4 months old today!

The day called for a 5 minute photo shoot!

 Emmy and her Elephant

  

 Natalie wanted to make Emmy a little blanket for her 4 month birthday. 

She cut out a heart...

 pinned it to the 'blanket'...

 sewed it on...

and 'Voila!'  We were both pretty proud (:

And it was a lovely day! 

I wrote this because sometimes it's easier for me to pray when I can type/write it out and stay focused.  Many times they just go unpublished but I decided I would share this one even though I feel a little vulnerable doing so!  But I encourage anyone reading this to also write a prayer of thanks and to make it a habit!  God is at work :)

I just praise you, Lord.  Sometimes I feel like all I do is ask you for stuff.  But right now I just want to praise you - something that I'm constantly feeling challenged to do.  It's more natural for me to list what I'm anxious about and to ask for your intervention instead of thanking you for the ways that you have already intervened!  I've been listening to podcasts about the book of Esther and I remember a study I did on her.  She says at one point, 'If I perish, I perish.'  I remember Beth Moore challenging us to view our lives like that and our circumstances.  'If {fill in the blank with your biggest concern}, then GOD'.  I was also challenged by Mark Driscoll to think about what/who my idols are.  What/who gets my attention?  What are my most of my emotions linked to.  What/who do I worry about?  Idols are usually good things turned into God things.  I think about my family... I try to keep it in check that I don't idolize them but I think they're my biggest potential idols.  But if they perish... then God will still be there.  No one can take you away from me or me away from you!  I praise you Lord for my amazing husband.  That you brought us together.  That we've persevered through rough times.  That the husband you chose for me is nothing like my earthly father that so many women use as an example when choosing a mate.  You have had a hand of protection over me and it is so evident to me now!!  I praise you that Jordan is devoted to us, that he truly loves us, that I can trust him, and I pray that his and my tust in you and devotion to you always grows.  I praise you for the health of each of our family members... that we haven't spent any time in the hospital feeling despair and hopelessness.  I praise you for our safety knowing that at any given time, something could happen to one of us.  I praise you for your beautiful creation!  The snow you've sent is gorgeous!  How can people not believe in you.  I praise you for our extended family.  Thank you for the love and connectedness.  Thank you for soldiers willing to risk their lives to protect our freedom.  Thank you for the country we live in.  That we feel safe and can freely worship.  Please bless this country and may your people come to you for wisdom and guidance.  Thank you for your protection of my family when it comes to dad.  Thank you for being my heavenly father who loves me unconditionally and is sovereign.  Thank you for carrying mom through her marriage and divorce.  Thank you for our grandparents both alive and deceased.  I praise you for the hope of eternal life and I yearn to meet my grandparents in heaven someday.  I cannot wait!  I cannot wait to hear what they have been up to, to see them and hug them, to tell them all the wonderful things you've been doing in my life.  I can almost imagine the looks on their faces when we meet again although I know that I can't even begin to imagine the radiance and beauty.  Thank you for Jordan's grandparents!  I have been blessed to have known them.  And to have grandparents once again is such a blessing!  Thank you for giving them long and happy lives and please continue to give them that life!  Thank you for sending your SON to die for us.  I think of my son.... could I have trusted you if you had tested me like you did with Abraham and Isaac?  Could I have ever sacrificed my son for dirty, rotten humans that would still reject him and didn't deserve him in the first place?  I cannot fathom your love for me.  So often I feel dirty, unworthy, I am a terrible person and I DO NOT deserve you!  Yet, you came for ME!  Thank you Jesus.  I will never be able to fully comprehend your love and sacrifice.  So I just praise you for it.  I want to be more bold for you, Jesus.  Why aren't I more bold?  I want to pray to you continually, to be joyful, to not worry but trust in you.  I pray that I become a godly woman who looks after your interests.  Thank you that I am your child and that that is my true and forever identity.  Thank you for being so close to me!  Even when I don't make time for you or seek your presence, still you show up!  Thank you, Jesus for not giving up on me!

grand caymen

ahhh....  I've got Grand Caymen Island on my mind tonight.  Jordan and I got home one week ago from a week-long vacation.  And it was amazing.  We hardly did anything more than walk the beach, swim, snorkel, and sunbathe.  The waters were crystal clear, the snorkeling was awesome, the nights were full of brillant stars... everything was absolutely beautiful. 

We enjoyed this vacation with our family: Jordan's parents, Joel and Robin, Spring (to whom we owe the gratitude for the invitation), Luke, and Michelle.We stayed at The Renaissance on Seven Mile Beach and we discovered on our walks that the condo sits on the nicest stretch of beach of those entire 7 miles!  It was the softest sand I've ever felt!  The water was always delightful and refreshing.  The sunshine was glorious!  We could not have asked for better weather.

Jordan snorkeled non-stop for the first half of the week... I mean hours out of the day in the water.  But after diving deep for a sand-dollar, his minor sinus infection got the best of him.  He went one whole day without snorkeling!  He took his ipod underwater everytime he went and got some great pictures.  He and Joel actually got to see a shark!!  We saw a lot of great fish, some sting-rays, and sea turtles... awesome!

silly goggles!

silly boy :)

 We were so blessed to even be able to go on this trip. A family that owns the condo just lends it out to others free of charge when they aren't going to be there. So we only had to pay for the flight down! How amazing are they?! We bought our tickets before Emmy was even born and she turned 3 months while we were gone. I can't believe I was able to leave my baby - my babies - but it was definately a good choice! Once again, I entrusted 4 of my 5 most precious gifts to Matt and Katie. Once again, I made out an unofficial will that Matt and Katie would get it all. And then I prayed about it... a lot! And it worked... I was at Peace! The condo was beautiful and we'll probably never be so lucky as to get such a great deal again! So we thoroughly enjoyed ourselves! And the time we were able to be there just happened to be over Jordan and my 7th anniversary! How perfect!

I just felt like this trip was specifically for me! I had such a relaxing and rejuvenating time. Weeks before we went, I made a list of book possibilities that I wanted to pick up from the library. But I was never able to get there without the kids (when I'm looking for a book for me, I cannot bring my children!). So minutes before I left the house, I grabbed a book from the closet called 'The Shack'. I read it on the beach and it just spoke so deeply to me. It's a religious book and many things stood out to me and got me thinking. But I was especially drawn to the beautiful message of forgiveness. There have been many things in my past that I have had to make a conscious effort to forgive and forget. I feel like I'm generally a pretty forgiving person, but life throws it's curve-balls... and sometimes they're more like canons! This book was a God-send and delivered to me at precisely the right time and place. I was able to have some alone time immediately after finishing it and I am repeatedly awestruck at how God moves and works in my life. It made me feel that this trip was for me... or more accurately, for Him!

As with every trip, it was good to get home and to hold my little loves again! There were hardly any other vacationers at the condo (if any?) But some of the residents came down a couple of times to the beach with their children. And I would wish that our kids were with us. They were so great for Matt and Katie while we were gone. I had to relearn Emmy again. She got a little longer while we were gone and a lot louder. Probably since she had 7 other kids to compete with to be heard. I also chose to pump-n-dump so that I'd be able to nurse Emmy for some months yet. And like 'riding a bike', it came right back to her!

Everyday life is refreshing sometimes, but I have a feeling that Grand Caymen is refreshing all the time! So happy that we were able to enjoy it!