I wrote this because sometimes it's easier for me to pray when I can type/write it out and stay focused.  Many times they just go unpublished but I decided I would share this one even though I feel a little vulnerable doing so!  But I encourage anyone reading this to also write a prayer of thanks and to make it a habit!  God is at work :)

I just praise you, Lord.  Sometimes I feel like all I do is ask you for stuff.  But right now I just want to praise you - something that I'm constantly feeling challenged to do.  It's more natural for me to list what I'm anxious about and to ask for your intervention instead of thanking you for the ways that you have already intervened!  I've been listening to podcasts about the book of Esther and I remember a study I did on her.  She says at one point, 'If I perish, I perish.'  I remember Beth Moore challenging us to view our lives like that and our circumstances.  'If {fill in the blank with your biggest concern}, then GOD'.  I was also challenged by Mark Driscoll to think about what/who my idols are.  What/who gets my attention?  What are my most of my emotions linked to.  What/who do I worry about?  Idols are usually good things turned into God things.  I think about my family... I try to keep it in check that I don't idolize them but I think they're my biggest potential idols.  But if they perish... then God will still be there.  No one can take you away from me or me away from you!  I praise you Lord for my amazing husband.  That you brought us together.  That we've persevered through rough times.  That the husband you chose for me is nothing like my earthly father that so many women use as an example when choosing a mate.  You have had a hand of protection over me and it is so evident to me now!!  I praise you that Jordan is devoted to us, that he truly loves us, that I can trust him, and I pray that his and my tust in you and devotion to you always grows.  I praise you for the health of each of our family members... that we haven't spent any time in the hospital feeling despair and hopelessness.  I praise you for our safety knowing that at any given time, something could happen to one of us.  I praise you for your beautiful creation!  The snow you've sent is gorgeous!  How can people not believe in you.  I praise you for our extended family.  Thank you for the love and connectedness.  Thank you for soldiers willing to risk their lives to protect our freedom.  Thank you for the country we live in.  That we feel safe and can freely worship.  Please bless this country and may your people come to you for wisdom and guidance.  Thank you for your protection of my family when it comes to dad.  Thank you for being my heavenly father who loves me unconditionally and is sovereign.  Thank you for carrying mom through her marriage and divorce.  Thank you for our grandparents both alive and deceased.  I praise you for the hope of eternal life and I yearn to meet my grandparents in heaven someday.  I cannot wait!  I cannot wait to hear what they have been up to, to see them and hug them, to tell them all the wonderful things you've been doing in my life.  I can almost imagine the looks on their faces when we meet again although I know that I can't even begin to imagine the radiance and beauty.  Thank you for Jordan's grandparents!  I have been blessed to have known them.  And to have grandparents once again is such a blessing!  Thank you for giving them long and happy lives and please continue to give them that life!  Thank you for sending your SON to die for us.  I think of my son.... could I have trusted you if you had tested me like you did with Abraham and Isaac?  Could I have ever sacrificed my son for dirty, rotten humans that would still reject him and didn't deserve him in the first place?  I cannot fathom your love for me.  So often I feel dirty, unworthy, I am a terrible person and I DO NOT deserve you!  Yet, you came for ME!  Thank you Jesus.  I will never be able to fully comprehend your love and sacrifice.  So I just praise you for it.  I want to be more bold for you, Jesus.  Why aren't I more bold?  I want to pray to you continually, to be joyful, to not worry but trust in you.  I pray that I become a godly woman who looks after your interests.  Thank you that I am your child and that that is my true and forever identity.  Thank you for being so close to me!  Even when I don't make time for you or seek your presence, still you show up!  Thank you, Jesus for not giving up on me!

grand caymen

ahhh....  I've got Grand Caymen Island on my mind tonight.  Jordan and I got home one week ago from a week-long vacation.  And it was amazing.  We hardly did anything more than walk the beach, swim, snorkel, and sunbathe.  The waters were crystal clear, the snorkeling was awesome, the nights were full of brillant stars... everything was absolutely beautiful. 

We enjoyed this vacation with our family: Jordan's parents, Joel and Robin, Spring (to whom we owe the gratitude for the invitation), Luke, and Michelle.We stayed at The Renaissance on Seven Mile Beach and we discovered on our walks that the condo sits on the nicest stretch of beach of those entire 7 miles!  It was the softest sand I've ever felt!  The water was always delightful and refreshing.  The sunshine was glorious!  We could not have asked for better weather.

Jordan snorkeled non-stop for the first half of the week... I mean hours out of the day in the water.  But after diving deep for a sand-dollar, his minor sinus infection got the best of him.  He went one whole day without snorkeling!  He took his ipod underwater everytime he went and got some great pictures.  He and Joel actually got to see a shark!!  We saw a lot of great fish, some sting-rays, and sea turtles... awesome!

silly goggles!

silly boy :)

 We were so blessed to even be able to go on this trip. A family that owns the condo just lends it out to others free of charge when they aren't going to be there. So we only had to pay for the flight down! How amazing are they?! We bought our tickets before Emmy was even born and she turned 3 months while we were gone. I can't believe I was able to leave my baby - my babies - but it was definately a good choice! Once again, I entrusted 4 of my 5 most precious gifts to Matt and Katie. Once again, I made out an unofficial will that Matt and Katie would get it all. And then I prayed about it... a lot! And it worked... I was at Peace! The condo was beautiful and we'll probably never be so lucky as to get such a great deal again! So we thoroughly enjoyed ourselves! And the time we were able to be there just happened to be over Jordan and my 7th anniversary! How perfect!

I just felt like this trip was specifically for me! I had such a relaxing and rejuvenating time. Weeks before we went, I made a list of book possibilities that I wanted to pick up from the library. But I was never able to get there without the kids (when I'm looking for a book for me, I cannot bring my children!). So minutes before I left the house, I grabbed a book from the closet called 'The Shack'. I read it on the beach and it just spoke so deeply to me. It's a religious book and many things stood out to me and got me thinking. But I was especially drawn to the beautiful message of forgiveness. There have been many things in my past that I have had to make a conscious effort to forgive and forget. I feel like I'm generally a pretty forgiving person, but life throws it's curve-balls... and sometimes they're more like canons! This book was a God-send and delivered to me at precisely the right time and place. I was able to have some alone time immediately after finishing it and I am repeatedly awestruck at how God moves and works in my life. It made me feel that this trip was for me... or more accurately, for Him!

As with every trip, it was good to get home and to hold my little loves again! There were hardly any other vacationers at the condo (if any?) But some of the residents came down a couple of times to the beach with their children. And I would wish that our kids were with us. They were so great for Matt and Katie while we were gone. I had to relearn Emmy again. She got a little longer while we were gone and a lot louder. Probably since she had 7 other kids to compete with to be heard. I also chose to pump-n-dump so that I'd be able to nurse Emmy for some months yet. And like 'riding a bike', it came right back to her!

Everyday life is refreshing sometimes, but I have a feeling that Grand Caymen is refreshing all the time! So happy that we were able to enjoy it!

big boy . baby girl . nursery

Well it only took me a few months to complete it (and it's actually still not completely done to my liking!) but I think I am done with Charlie and Emmy's  bedroom.  I knew that I wanted to keep with the vintage airplane theme for Charlie but didn't know exactly how I wanted to incorporate a feminine touch as well.  This is what I came up with:

I like that it's masculine and feminine.  I had made the 'take flight' bunting before Emmy was born and I wanted that to remain the theme.  I had contemplated doing pink airplanes but then I found a gorgeous hot air balloon picture on etsy.  The balloon became my inspiration.  And I would still LOVE to purchase the picture but I can't justify a $45 8x10!  I wanted neutral grays and browns and yellows and pinks to be the color scheme.

Last year, we sanded and then painted the floor gray.  And I absolutely love it in this room!  I changed the wall color as well.  The ceiling has been gray for almost 7 years and I think it's the only piece of the house that has not been repainted since! 

Jordan built the toddler bed out of 2x4s (and Charlie and I adore it!).  The quilt on Charlie's bed was a baby gift made by Charlie's great-grandma and the knit chevron-like blanket underneath was made by Charlie's great-great grandma!  At a flea market last year, Jordan came across 5 original blueprints for an airplane in a $10 bin.  He told the old man he would take them and the guy said, 'oh, I can't sell those to you for $10.  They weren't supposed to be in that bin.' So Jordan asks how much for them.  The guy says, '$15'.... for all five!!  We were thrilled, perhaps you are not :)  Jordan framed his favorite.  The propeller and the rusted star were also selected from flea markets over the years.  The airplane was a World Market purchase. 

this boy is always sneaking into my photoshoots!

yes...that is dust!

I made the bedskirt (and it hides tubs of baby clothes underneath).  The crib was a baby gift for Natalie from my parents and I imagine that Emmy will be the last of our children to use it.  I had to repaint the top trim to somewhat cover the chew marks!  It seemed fitting for Emmy Ellamae to have an elephant stuffed animal and I also cut out and framed the little elephant in the picture frame.  Emmy's quilt was also made by great-grandma Jones.  I made the little pink pillow from my most favorite fabric.  I made some hanging hot air balloons but never could figure out where to hang them.  Still to come... I'd like to make or buy a rag-rug with some grays, pinks, and yellows.

our changing table :)

'Ee' is for 'Emmy'

I removed the closet doors and it made the small room seem much bigger. I turned some extra fabric from Jordan's mom that I had been dying to use into a curtain.  And we took out the old-good-for-nothing-ranch-style closet system and put in the much-better-use-of-space wire system!  And I organized it over and over until I got it just right.  I had seen on pinterest to use egg cartons for organizing baby socks and it has been very helpful.

egg cartons... who knew, right?!

Prior to Emmy joining this bedroom, we had a dresser in here for Charlie and our piano.  But we were able to put those elsewhere (temporarily our bedroom!) and I've been able to do without a changing table (why not just use the crib?!)  So I'm happy with the space we've opened up in this bedroom.  It's only temporary, we won't make Charlie share a room with a girl for too long, but for now it's just perfect for my big boy and baby girl.

my four littles

I've been wanting to write on each of the kids since I feel like they are constantly changing.  But it seems so daunting to write about all of them in one post!  There's so much to share but I'm going to try to keep it short.

Natalie is loving Kindergarten so much! She adores her teacher and is doing very well academically.  I cannot get over how much Kindergartners learn: Natalie is reading at a basic level, writing, adding, subtracting, she's speaking {broken} spanish...!  We couldn't be prouder.  At her conference in the fall, we asked if she plays much at recess since we couldn't ever get a great answer out of Natalie when we'd ask.  It turns out that on many days she would 'wait in line' BY HERSELF at the door!  Natalie loves to play but she can be shy and when we asked her specifically about this, she said that she only wants to play with the boys and they're not always interested in playing with her (I'm thinking just because she's a girl!)  This broke my heart a little so we really started to encourage her to play with some of the other girls.  Finally I offered to pay her a dollar (what have I become?!) to play at every recess that day... and it worked.  Like a charm.  She's been playing with other girls ever since.  I guess at one indoor recess she and her cousin, Ross, played 'animals' by themselves because according to Ross, 'the other kids don't 'get' it'!!  One day before Natalie got off the bus, I got a phone call from a little boy (Blake) asking for Natalie and so I told him I'd have her call him back.  She was all smiles when I told her and she called him back.  She asked him how school was and if he'd done his homework yet.  He hadn't and she told him that he probably hadn't gotten it done because he was on the phone with her!  When she hung up, I asked her how he got her number.  She had given it to him...duh!  One morning when we dropped Natalie off at her classroom (me and the kids), Blake just marched up to Natalie and gave her a picture he had drawn.  And without exchanging any words, she just took it like she was expecting it!  Natalie is such a tremendous help around the house.  She is very good at cleaning and organizing and helping out with her brother and sisters.  But she is a perfectionist and somewhat of a control-freak so I'm trying to figure out the best ways to deal with that.  She doesn't like it when she doesn't do things perfect and sometimes she gets angry when things don't go just right.  So we're working on those areas!

Ruby has grown up so much lately!  She has grown taller and has matured so much!  A couple of months ago, she really started to critique her speech.  She realized after watching 'Daniel Tiger' and hearing "Grrrr" that "grrr" is the way she would pronouce 'girl'!  I didn't ever correct her on it because I loved it!!  But she realized the err and corrected it!  Between the ages of 2 and 4, she was such a sassy lil thing and many times in a rude way.  It was always hard for me to know what to do about this especially when she was egged on because it was cute and fun!  She's a debater like her dad!  She is still all about princess barbies and polly pockets and we have a lot of fun playing together with them!  She calls them all her 'honeys!'  Almost everyday that Natalie is at school, Ruby insists that we must play school.  But what that has turned into is us pretending that the barbies are at school.  I really need to discipline myself and do more actual schoolwork!  Ruby has learned how to write her name and she's really picking up on letters and sounds of letters.  She knows many of her letters, just can't write them yet.  Ruby adores Emmy and is also a huge help during the day.  I've been busy with the 'bag business' but I am able to watch Ruby and Charlie play while I sew and Ruby mothers Emmy during those times as well.  She is so passionate about all things 'girl'!  Ruby and Charlie have been playing incredibly well with each other!  They love to chase each other.  Charlie chases Ruby with his gun and Ruby screams!  And Ruby is really starting to fall in love with Jesus which is just awesome!  She also has the most heartfelt prayers.  She prays for daddy that he's not cold at work and that Natalie is enjoying her lunch and that Jesus won't die on the cross again.  She has a huge heart for others. 

Charlie is so different from his sisters.... he is all boy!  When Ruby tries to play barbies with him, all he wants to do is run the barbies over with his truck.  He's always running around, then halting, squatting, aiming, and firing his gun.  He is so playful all the time.  He is absolutely obsessed with airplanes!  I love the way he pronounces words, too and talks in a gruff 'man voice'.  Sometimes he'll ask if he can watch 'Star Trek' during the day because he knows it's Jordan's favorite.  He's been in a big-boy bed for about 5 months now and he likes to join us in our bed usually a few times a week... but I like it!  He naps just a couple of times a week but has been going to bed on time and without a fight so it's fine.  But when he does nap, he's been staying dry!  Charlie also loves his little sis.  He frequently goes up to her and just strokes her and says a very dramatic 'Awwwww!'  The two share a room and it works!  Although, Emmy may be the reason that he gets up during the night to come lay with us.  Last week, Charlie said, 'mom, wanna dance with me?'  I heard him clearly but made him repeat it so he said again, 'dance with me?'  So we did.  In silence.  With his head on my shoulder.  And I'm not going to lie, it made me cry :)  Charlie is such a great little boy.  The few weeks before I had Emmy, he was a little terror... getting into everything and yelling at me!  But I was really stern with him (which was easy since I really didn't like him on those days!) and I guess it paid off.  He has been an angel ;) ever since!

Emmy is doing great.  She is gaining plenty of weight!  At her 2 month, she was at the 90th percentile at 12 pounds (I think?!)  She usually gets up just once a night but we just had three nights in a row where she slept from 10p to 5:30a and since that's when I get up anyway, I'm considering it sleeping through the night!  She is still so gassy!  We do the gas drops and we've tried the gripe water.  Both only really seem to distract her until the gas passes or she gives in to sleep.  She was only pooping once a week (typical for my breast-fed babies) but suddenly it's back to everyday.  Not sure why that is important to mention!  She giggles, smiles, and seems to love us all!  Since maybe the 5th week, she's been sleeping in Charlie's room and like I said, it goes really well.  I still can't believe how easy this transition was for us!  It's definately been a blessing! 

Each of our kids is such a blessing to us in such a unique way.  I've really been wanting to read 'The Five Love Languages for Kids' and figure out the different ways they want to recieve love and how to go about that.  Just when I think I've got them figured out, I realize that I desperately need some extra parenting help!  Knowing that I have a tendency towards being selfish, I'm hoping this book would help me be more intentional in showing my love to my kids in ways they can relate to.

Our house is frequently filled with music.  And when it's blaring in the living room or kitchen, there's no escape from hearing it throughout the rest of the house.  Currently our kids favorite songs are:  'Breakable' and 'It Snowed' and any other song of Meghan Smith, 'Always' by Switchfoot, 'Sail' by Awolnation, 'We Are Young' by Fun, anything from the Tangled Soundtrack, 'Days of Elijah' by Twila Paris, anything by Lady Gaga although we limit those :), 'Gangnam Style' by Psy.... just to name a few!  Quite the variety!!  I love it when the kids can sing along now!  And the instant energy we get when we dance together!  Music is so near and dear to me.  From the time that I was young, we would have family sing-a-longs in the car and we always laughed in spite of our {cheesy} selves but we all so enjoyed it!  I want music to be a part of the kids' interests and a form of worship for them.  My niece, Hailee, sang in church for the first time on Christmas Eve.  My sister has been a soloist since she was 6 so it was so special for all of us (Katie especially!).  We were so proud of her!!

So that's the latest.  The winter had been mostly dry and boring until this week when we got more than a foot of snow dumped on us.  Now we need to get out and play in it while it's here. Always gotta be intentional with this life or the important things that need to happen don't happen.