proverbs thirty one

It's been 8 and 9 years since my grandmas have died.  And I still miss them terribly.  Niether of them got to witness my marriage to Jordan or the birth of any of my kids.  They would so enjoy our kids.  My heart still aches for them to be with me again.  I visited one of my grandmas' graves the other day on the anniversary of her death.  This isn't something I have done often since she's been gone since I know that she's not there.  The grave isn't really of much significance to me.  But I was moved to tears when I was there.  I miss my grandmas.  They are two of the most influential people in my life.  And even though they are gone, they are still guiding me with their wisdom.  At the cemetary, I pulled out my bible and without a thought opened to Proverbs 31.  It was God's prompting.  My grandmas were 'Wives of Noble Character'.  And what I learned from them is something that I so badly want to live out to my children and grandchildren.  I was convicted that I need to put these words into practice if I am going to leave a legacy behind.  I am also blessed by our moms who also wear this title and are an encouragement to me.

So now I am reflecting again on this scripture this morning... trying to figure out how to 'master' these characteristics of a noble wife.  This question came to mind: 'what is your job?'  My first answer to that question is that I'm a stay-at-home mom.  But that's never good enough for me.  Immediately my mind searches for other 'titles' that I can use to label myself with.  I remind myself of the jobs I do to bring in an income: massage therapy, the hundreds of bags I sew each month for a lady I subcontract to, babysitting.  Why can't I just stop at SAHM?  Am I insecure with this job?  It certainly is a big job, a job that is never finished.  Do I need to be making money to feel noble and wise?  Do I need a career or a title?

On re-reading this passage, I am convicted that my heart needs to be more intentional on my mom-job.  My number one job is my family.  And this is actually my dream job so why the insecurity and lack of confidence?!  When I apply these verses to my job, I realize I am falling short.  But I am encouraged to have gained this insight.  This is what I interpret these verses to mean.  In my role as a mother, do I:

{vs 13} work with eager hands (am I actively engaged?)

{15} provide 'food' for my family (am I nourishing them physically and psychologically?)

{16} plant a vineyard out of my earnings (am I spending time and resources on things that will produce fruit, or things that will die?)

{17} go about work vigourously (am I disciplined?)

{18} see that my 'trading' is profitable (do I have an awareness of what is working and what isn't working?)

{20} opening my arms to the poor and needy (setting a good example by taking care of others?)

{21 & 22} providing clothes (meeting even their most basic, simple needs?) 

I think I occasionally feel insecure about being 'just' a SAHM because it isn't exactly what our american culture supports.  I feel like my job is sometimes discredited as being an excuse to catch up on soap-operas or sleep in.  Deep down, I guess, I wonder if the label 'SAHM' implies that I am lazy.  To think of myself as lazy is a complete blow since I really enjoy work.  And I discredit my own job by thinking that I will feel more valued if I contribute to our finances.  But my job, my teaching, instructing, disciplining, self-sacrificing job, is influencing the next generation.  And I forget how important my job as a mother is. 

And this is the goal:

vs. 25: 'She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.  She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.'

And the prize:

vs. 31: 'Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.'

I really focused on those last couple of verses when I was at the cemetary.  My grandmas were strong, dignified, joyful, wise, faithful, and gently instructed me.  I want that.  I want to be all of these things that Proverbs 31 encourages.  I want to be the best mom I can be to my precious little ones and I want to be this as a wife.  I want to be a blessing!  Now after all of this rambling, I am wondering if the first step to being this woman is to bury these SAHM images, to be confident that I am doing what is best for me in staying home. 

And I just know that my grandmas were given a reward for it in Heaven.  I know that without a doubt.  And the crowds in heaven cheered for all that they had done here on earth.

It will be worth the self-less devotion.