the first decade

With very few words, I'm going to try to capture what the last decade has been for me.

First date with the last man I will forever date.

a kiss. an 'i love you'. a promise ring. a dream. an occasional arguement. a house. a proposal. a ring. a wedding.  a honeymoon. a dog. gary. faith and flea markets. a misunderstanding. a new family. a pregnancy test. it's positive. an adjustment. baby natalie jane. stay at home mom. a whole new world. chicago getaways. a new truck. no sleep. music. massage therapy. inside jokes. a second honeymoon. the carribbean. baby ruby louise. diapers. the beach. more dreams. laundry. home improvement. a race. florida. a bike ride. a third honeymoon. vegas. a third baby. miscarriage. early mornings. a new church. birthday parties. great friends. kiddie pools and power wheels. baby charlie tyler. garage sales. tent camping. a scraped knee. a fight. a kiss-and-makeup. guatemala. dirty dishes. photos. a fifth baby. miscarriage. dancing in the kitchen. smiles. a new job. prayers. another positive pregnancy test. a new car. a road trip. kentucky. baby emmy ellamae. holidays. a seventh anniversary. a fourth honeymoon. grand caymen. campfires. deep love. best friend. dreams are the reality.

A decade of dates, routine, bliss, blessings.

Us. in deep forever love.

memorial weekend

We made our way up to Silver Lake on Saturday for our 10th annual camping trip... although we didn't stay over-night.  The sun shined all day but it was so cold at the campsite.  The kids just wanted to hang out in the van.  We were bundled up in a couple sweatshirts but Ruby refused to wear pants instead of her dress so she had bare legs all day.  But we did manage to climb a dune with the kids, Emmy included, and we watched the trucks while the kids rolled down the dunes.  We were at the camp most of the day chatting and reminiscing good times with our friends. We had dinner and before going home, we had to go race on the go-carts.  It is our tradition.  Although instead of leaving the kiddos behind with some trusted adults, we took them with.  And it was the highlight of their day!  So fun!  We're so grateful for this group of friends.  It's so weird to think that our group has done this for 10 years.  And Jordan has been going for more years than that!  I'm starting to feel pretty old :(

On Sunday, we slept in as long as we could, waking up with ALL FOUR KIDS in our queen-size bed!  And then we took off for the flea market.  It's so fun to see our girls get interested in the flea market, too.  Ruby just loves to shop and I love to hear what she thinks of everything.  They had their money with them and searched for that perfect something that they couldn't live without.  Along the way, Natalie found a bottle with a cork that she thought would be fun to put a letter in and send into the water and a tiny orange lightbulb!  Ruby was so sad that there wasn't another orange lightbulb for her.  She would scurry up to every jewelry display and beg me for the biggest golden ring each time... but she never had enough money for those.  We finally found a sweet little necklace with a butterfly.  And it is so special to her.  Natalie also found some cute turquoise mushroom earrings, and she loves mushrooms so she bought those, too!  Charlie actually fell asleep and Emmy slept for awhile too.  We met up with mom and dad and they were so helpful.  This was Emmy's first flea market and it did make things slightly more complicated than when we'd go with the three kids.  We enjoyed the rest of the day lounging around together at home.  Delightful!!

Monday, Memorial Day, was very low-key.  We got some things done around the house and enjoyed dinner from mom and dad Barkel.  And now as I am writing this, I am cuddled up on the couch next to my man (:

what was I created for anyway?!

Early in the morning.  It's just me and my work.... and a podcast.  The podcast's title was, 'Satan's Greatest Desire' by Robert Morris.  He uses Isaiah 14:12-15 & Ezekiel 28:12b-19 for his reference.  And I have to write what I heard so that I remember it in times of temptation. 

Satan was created as a perfect angel.  He was beautiful, covered in gorgeous jewels to reflect the Light.  Before the earth was inhabited, Heaven was praising the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost.  Just as in churches today, there were three main components of the worship in heaven and three arch-angels to carry them out: worship, the word, prayer.  Gabriel brings the Word of the Lord, Michael brings answers to prayer, and Lucifer(Satan)was created as the worship leader.  But Satan was cast out of Heaven as quick as lightning one day when he desired to steal some of God's glory.  Satan's greatest desire is to be worshiped. 

Read Isaiah 14:13, Satan said in his heart, 'I will ascend to heaven; I will raise my throne above the stars of God; I will sit enthroned on the mount of assembly, on the utmost heights of the sacred mountain.  I will ascend above the tops of the clouds; I will make myself like the Most High.'  Clearly, Satan desires to be lifted high.  And he'll do whatever he can to turn our attention away from God.

So the pastor suggests that when God brought form to the earth, perhaps Satan was there hollering at God, saying 'Who's going to be your worship leader now?!'  And maybe that is when God picked up a pile of dirt and breathed into it.  And the human race was born and it was born to worship God.

But then, ever so quickly, humans sinned against God.  Humans obeyed the evil one. Can you imagine the fun Satan had with that and has everytime we choose to disobey God?  Can you imagine the mockery that goes on in the heavenlies?  Even though we are the source of the pain God must feel when we idolize things other than Him, He loves us still.  God became dirt in the form of Jesus and chose to die for us so that one day, we could be with him in Heaven: Adorned with precious jewels, reflecting his light.  Embodied with instruments to bring Him praise.  The new worship leaders!

But don't we have a natural desire to glorify ourselves, don't we deserve hell just like Satan?  Yes.  So are we any better than Satan... yes!  We are covered by Christ's righteousness but ONLY if we have accepted that Jesus is the Son of God.  ONLY if we have recieved the gift of salvation that came from Jesus dying on the cross on our behalf.  But if you haven't accepted and recieved Christ, then you are going to be condemned like Satan.  So Accept that you're a sinner, Believe that Jesus is Lord over all, and Commit your life to HIM!

Maybe Satan already knows that I will never bow down to him but he's going to try to get me to worship anything but Jesus, even if it isn't going to be him.  This message I heard just really struck a nerve.  My human nature is sinful.  God could have created us to be perfect but He desired for us to bring Him praise out of our free will.  And everytime I sin, I am resembling Satan and should be cast out of the book that will let me into heaven.  Yet, my name remains in that book because I am covered by Christ's blood.  I am so thankful that He died for me.... beyond thankful.  There are no words I can use to express it.  But I can try to live out my faith with every fiber in me. With all that is in me, I want to bring glory to my God... not only for what He did for me but to also withstand the power the devil has over me.  But mostly to just praise Him for saving me!!!!!  To bring Him glory is what I was created for.  And that's why I'm sharing this post with you.

Are you covered by the blood of Christ?  Have you accepted Him?  Will He accept you into heaven if you died today?  Do you know when you're going to die?  So when is a good time to get right with God?  I would say NOW!

dandy

Another. month. gone.  There are days when Jordan asks, 'What day is it tomorrow... Wednesday?'  And I correct him with, 'Friday!'.  And he seriously doesn't believe it.  And I don't either!  Our April just flew by.  It was consumed with our bathroom makeover, thoughts and worries over grandpa (who is doing better), and anxiety (for me anyway) over our 25k race.

But after a somewhat stressful month of April, we have had a 'dandy' couple of weeks of May!  I say 'dandy' in honor of our hometown Dandelion Festival of Borculo.  We love this festival and it was the perfect start to our month. The kids enjoyed playing on the huge inflatable-bouncy-babysitter things(seriously, what do you call those?!), they loved the pony rides, and the parade. That night, we went to the Tulip Time fireworks, after visiting with Grandpa and Grandma 'Myke'.  The kids had such a full day but they were awesome!  They loved the fireworks and Charlie has been talking about it ever since.  Even Emmy was oohing and ahhing over them.  So fun!!

Ruby: Advocate for Dandelions

The next week was Tulip Time.  It never ceases to amaze me how lame it is!  And yet, every year we join in the festivities and enjoy ourselves.  We even made a trip to Dutch Village recently.  The kids beg to go to there everytime we pass it and we assure them that it would not be worth their time (and our $$!).  But opening day was free, so we gave it a shot (afterall, we are Dutch).  It was like a time-warp over there.  Everything looks like it could be haunted!  But the kids had a great time on the carousel, flying-twirly swings (even Charlie!), and the zip-line.  We're not sure how the place is insured... it's like the way things used to be, in the olden days!  I took the kids out to a parade which was also a great time.  We had a picnic and a whole afternoon of quality time.  They were so wonderful and we all enjoyed the time together.  And that night, we went downtown again with Jordan to see Natalie's teacher Dutch Dance and to grab an elephant ear.  Another very full day but again, I was blown away by how great our kids were.  They're good kids as it is, but just like us big people, they get tired and crabby too!

 

 

 

 

 

Friday night, Jordan and I got a DATE NIGHT!  This was a big deal... we do not go on dates as often as we should or as often as we'd like!  It was fabulous: to be able to talk without interruptions, to get to hold eachother's hand, and to go to a restaurant where a kids' menu is non-existant.   We love family date nights but we L.O.V.E. nights to ourselves!  We weren't out too late though since the next day was the Riverbank Run.  We were both signed up to do the 25k but due to our very minimal training, I downgraded to the 10k.  The race went very good for both of us considering we didn't train.  Jordan ran the 25k and scored a 2:33:44 and I did the 10k at 1:00:56.  And best of all, no injuries!!

Sunday was Mother's Day!!  Natalie was so excited to finally give me the cards she had made at school and the picture framed of us and Ruby had a card for me, too!  Jordan surprised me with an ipod touch (yes, we are slightly behind the times!) and I am so happy to be able to join the world of texting!  We had both of our moms over.  My heart swells with love for my family.  Why am I so blessed to have them?!  But then when I think of how much I love them, I get a little glimpse of how God feels about me!  And He even loves me more than I love each of my kids and Jordan.  Incredible, unfathomable!

And to top it all off, the weather has been absolutely gorgeous.  Mid-70s, breezy, sunny.   My favorite kind of weather.  So the to-do list for the inside takes backseat to the outside to-do list. 

And I'm sunburned but smiling!

emmy at five months

Emmy Ellamae is 5 months old now!  And what a month of progression!  It's incredible how fast she is growing up... probably because she is our last?!  She has two teeth that have popped through now and she scoots a little too much for being only 5 months old!  She loves tummy time and her exersaucer.  But most of all, she likes to sit with everyone and play.  She can sit unsupported for quite a while.  I want her to be  dependant for much longer than she seems to want to be.  She loves to be laid down while still awake to fall asleep on her own as opposed to being cuddled.  I know that I wished for that with Natalie especially, but now with my last child, I want her to fall asleep in my arms!  I've started her on some baby food and oatmeal and she loves it.  And since I've started her on some solids, she has been sleeping through the night!

Emmy is just a DOLL!  According to the growth charts, she is short and chubby (we don't need a growth chart to tell us that!)  She is in the 15th percentile for height (24.5in) and the 75th for weight (16.5lbs).  The last time we brought her in to the doctor, we noticed that her bottom eyelashes are inverted and they rest on her eye.  It doesn't seem to bother her except for occasionally her eyes are extra watery.  I'm hoping that they correct themselves or she'll need a simple surgery procedure done.  Sometimes she gets really hyper and she loves to grab my face with both hands and pull my face to hers so she can try to eat it.  She makes the most adorable, high-pitched, baby girl noises.  I cannot get enough of her!  She is such a happy baby.  We just love her to pieces!! 

In March, we dedicated Emma at church.  What this means is that we publically acknowledged in front of witnesses our promise to raise Emmy in a Christian home.  More than ever, my prayer for her is to always love the Lord and committ herself whole-heartedly to Him.  And in these early years, we will be responsible for guiding her into a relationship. 

We love you little Em!

grandpa

What a week.  Jordan's grandpa went into cardiac arrest on Monday morning.  He was revived 15 times in the ambulance.  In just 5 days, he has had surgery twice to put in a stint each time, he got blood clots in the stints which disappeared, and he's been on cpap (a breathing machine) for multiple days.  He was transferred to the Meijer Heart Center on Wednesday night and is still there currently.  He's had fluid in his lungs, inflammation in the tissue around his heart, they have thinned his blood, and he was given plasma to thicken it once more which put him in excruciating pain.  Jordan and I have visited him and it's incredible how at ease he is through this.  He has remained so positive.  I just got the call from Jordan's mom that they were able to successfully remove the cpap and he is once again breathing on his own.  This comes as a much welcomed blessing to us all and a surprise to the doctors.  He has been through so much in just a few days.  We know that he has a long road of recovery in his future but we are just so thankful for another day.  He is 83 years old and has lived a full life.  We know that he is confident in his future whether it be life or death.  He sees it as a win-win situation.  But we aren't ready for him to leave us yet.  So tonight, we just praise the Lord that he is still with us.  And once again, we are reminded to not take a single day, a single breath, or any of our loved ones for granted.

easter

As with every Easter, we spent the holidays with our families.  We enjoyed going to church to celebrate, the sweets and treats, and the Easter egg hunts.  But it was cold!! 

Even though Easter is over, we still get a reminder from the kids (mostly from Charlie with interjections from Ruby, of course) that 'Jesus died'.  And he looks at us with sad, puppy-dog eyes!  And we remind him over and over that Jesus is alive now.  But his reminder stays the same.  I find myself stuck in this same rut.  Often times, usually at the end of the day, I find myself re-hashing everything that I've done wrong, everything I could have done better, everything that I didn't do.  I am a sinner.  And the guilt creeps in.  I have failed again.  It was I who nailed Jesus to that cross.  And yes, it's sad that Jesus had to die... horrific.  But what if I focused on the new life he's given me.  That Jesus arose and now resides in me as the Holy Spirit.  Those regrets and negative feelings are to be laid in the grave.  I am no longer dead in my sin.  Jesus has risen and has given me new life.  I am a new creation and seen as righteous through my Father's eyes.

Ephesians 3:14-21.

'Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us...'

He will accomplish His will through us.  He will do immeasurably more that we can imagine through us.  He has given me His power.

'to Him be glory in the church and our Lord Jesus Christ throughout generations, for ever and ever! Amen.'

Jesus died... but now He is alive and He reigns.  He alone is worthy of my praise.  And I just hope to bring Him glory and that the generations that follow me will also glorify Him.  Forever.

And to glorify my Lord is to raise Him up and to be a new creation instead of keeping Him in the grave, unreceptive of His perfect gift of grace in exchange for my sin.


Happy Easter :)